One of those days...

Today is one of those days I want to dig a hole and hibernate...

My first ever handled release finally went into production after 2.5 agonizing months. Despite me and some folks babysitting it, I had a few dangling issues that bloated in production.

Sometimes no matter how I want to do things right, somehow, somewhere, something will go wrong. Dont you just hope you could have done better than that?

Just once, can I do things right in just one shot?

One of those few days when I start thinking why...

October feels good

No idea why I feel October seems to be a good month. Or perhaps I just choose to feel good without any particular reason.


Taking a light, happy song from my ktv clips again :p

Sunset and Fortune Cookie

2am and can't sleep.. not good. :(

sharing a nice sunset taken in bishan. the sky looks good isnt it?

last cny i got a fortune cookie that tells something about smiling. this year I got this one:
'Happiness depends upon ourselves'. --- hmm hmm

Another poem comes rocking in my mind today..


裝傻很累..
因為你, 有時候讨厌虚偽的自己..

多人痛苦不如一個人痛苦
需要的話, 我會選擇做那一個
因為我在乎的
只要你快樂...

- says sunset to dawn

Last Words...

This summarizes what I've been doing in IT. Of all the people I worked with, I would say this is definitely the best group, everyone is technically capable and work ethics is superb. (I wont talk about process-oriented or management tasks: that is given).

And what is more awesome is to receive praises from these experts - similar to hitting 500K in Bejeweled Blitz hehe. During the last day (btw I'm proud to say i didnt cry!), one of the leads commented he has no idea how I managed to do these things when I was never in a single BRD (business requirements discovery) session and I also dont do ETL/OLAP development. I said I was just guessing from what I see. 'but your guesses are always correct'. So fun. :D (thank GOd I probably didnt have much booboos).

So that's it, I'm leaving this behind to do something else. Scary. Back to 0. Still the same goal: I want to retire!!! :p

Funny that I actually took time and managed to write down something related to work. DWH/SQL/data - whatever it is, it has become a part of me for the past 6.5years. I might not be vocal or expressive of things I appreciate. For the last time, I give credit when credit is due. Thanks for keeping me company and making me happy.

P.S. The time I speak the truth might be the time I bade goodbye. *sobs*

Data Checks (1 of 2)

Sharing some techniques. I drafted this one time when I was asked to do some 'knowledge sharing'. It's actually just common sense and some room for imagination to cater for 'intelligent assumptions'. :)

Scenario: Amounts do not tally.

1) Open the report in UAT instance. If specific account number or cust is given, search for that number. Replicate the issue for those accounts/CIFs raised, you can bring in other fields into the report (eg Sector Code, Sub Product Type, etc) if you need more information.

2) Check how the amount is calculated. The amount field can be an OLAP variable, look for the specific table.column in ETL that is used and do the calculation manually. If it’s a direct fetch from EDW, then query the database.

3) Next is to query the source itself. If it’s a lookup field from another instance, then look for specific join conditions in actual ETL mapping. If let’s say all your amounts are null but in Raw has value, then something is wrong in EDW. Either it’s an ETL lookup issue related to data, or requirement itself is wrong.

Eg: Issues:
- All debit fields are null because debit stream lookup to VBM in ETL in incorrect
- Some FD Credit balances are not matching and consistently lower in OLAP than in Raw, because VBM lookup in ETL has a component for renewal counters, and this field appears differently in VBM and GFDR and has to be padded with 0.

4) It could also happen that for some of the accounts match, some do not match, and there is no data format (trimming, padding) issue or ETL lookup error. This would mean that some of the filters (in either ETL side or OLAP side) are not proper

Eg: We had issues wherein we actually have to modify the filters, upon investigation that something is consistently wrong in our side. Sample issues:
BO: add filter to include Accounts Closed within Current Month. Remove filter on Receipt Status is Closed
ETL: remove filter on sub product type = GT.
Net, it can happen that requirement itself is incorrect. There are times when we cannot fully rely on what is stated in signed off mapping specs/report specs.

5) Another way is the comparison of total number of accounts. In this project, we normally go by account. Get the total number of accounts in OLAP vs the total number of accounts in Raw.
- It can happen that there are MISSING accounts from Raw but in EDW we take them in.
- Or the other way around, there are EXTRA accounts from Raw but in EDW we don’t have. With this, then you have to extract the accounts that are missing/extra, justify why it is or it is not there in EDW. Then do analysis and find a pattern where possible.

Q409 blues

I seemed to make a decision that has several implications, those that I'm not sure whether I can afford the consequences. Just that deep inside I have this strange feeling that I had to.. And the worst part is simple thing as it is, there were some complications along with it of which I didnt expect things to turn out to be. It seems like everyday of November, I was thinking of a reason, an excuse, a strategy to get out of the situation the soonest. Lame..to the point I had to start making stories, or even checking legal constituents hehe? There are certain decisions when made, you can only afford to err on one side. The more indecisive, the more strings attached and the harder it is to be politically correct. I am not good with this, dont hate me. All's well that ends well anyway.

November was also my mom's bday. For a change, I wanted to surprise her. Thank God there were friends who helped to realize this. It's the first time I thought of giving her a 'real' un-informed surprise. I scheduled 2 deliveries within the week courtesy of Red Ribbon, for both her real and lunar bday. Her reaction: priceless. My reaction: bitter sweet. :(

I went to Bintan for a quick weekend getaway. I went there with guilt, stress and usual confusion, and flushed down all these with the unending waves. I went back cleansed and relaxed, hopefully. As perks, unexpectedly I got a free pictorial, check it out at flicker :)

Christmas and New Year. It's always my most favorite holiday, discounting the fact that the most painful things also happened the same time many years ago. Now it still pinches my heart a bit to see the beautifully-lit streets of Orchard now packed with even more glamourous malls, with me alone walking, even if I have companions. Strange that the emptiness doesnt get filled by just anyone. (Cool, serves me right) By the way my hausmate was homesick one day and sharing her memories of having christmas trees. Unfortunately I cannot relate, coz I never had one back home. (okay let's not dwell on difficult lives in this post :p) Passed by a store and thought of buying this 'snowflaking' crystal ball, a slight attempt to put a little decor in my room. :)

It's confirmed, my newest nephew coming sometime Feb is a boy! My alagas will be increased to 4. !!!

And I thought my previous offices are already big MNCs. (or maybe I also cannot directly compare the offices). It's quite exag to see the dual monitors per person in each spacious cubicle in the new office (one monitor seems not enough, they want the comfort of dragging screens in 2 display monitors) For me it doesnt matter, most important is I dont want laptop! I dont want carrying heavy stuff to and from office anymore :p, i dont want bringing any work home. so just give me my desktop hihi! Same goes with the hearsay of 2ksgd ergonomic chair we're sitting on (?). I feel barbaric, like coming from mountain inhabitation. Vain, but I like. :D

I just realize how much I love sql and data analysis, now that it seems I wont be doing much of it. For only this once in my career, I felt a sense of accomplishment. It has become a part of me... now is the time to recount our memories, before we go separate ways...*sigh* I will blog in detail in next post.

Merry Christmas everyone! I had 4 consecutive parties since last Friday, despite claiming to be anti-social. hohoho. Santa, grant me a major wish this year... Btw in one of the parties, I was told.. ang lamig ng boses while singing. Excellent, luv it Crazy for you by Madonna! Let me end this post with a christmas song.. Chestnuts roasting on an open fire..... :)

Random Thoughts Oct'09

...delayed post.


I finished watching the korean series hit phenomenon Boys Over Flower last month. (This is the korean version of Meteor Garden). Just one thing, it doesnt matter whether it's korean or taiwanese or japanese version, my heart goes to Ji-Ho/Hwatselei/Rui. When the whole world goes crazy over Gu Jun Pyo, I still like Ji Ho more. Well I cant say I dont like Jun Pyo (no normal girl wont be attracted to this manly creature), and I also dont have much inclination towards authistic people, just that he has one quality.. the ultimate 's'. Watch the series and see for yourself.

Because of this, I started researching this hottie KHJ. Quite young, he's born in 1986. He's the leader of SS501 group and oh my, he dances so well, the dance step with the shaking of jacket in the song 'Im your man'. Well cant understand anything except when he shouts 'Im your man', translation would be much welcomed. Whew cant keep my eyes off him. (ok ok too much bs) Here's a link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bxu94q7HWew&feature=related

Haayz I took Korean and I can't understand the lyrics. I took French and gave back half. Now I just finished Japanese, yes nihonggo dear, dozou yoroshiku. Ask me now, before I return all of it again. Well at least I master 4 languages from birth then learn 3 extra (barely basic level, nothing to boast of), that brings my total to 7.

I attended my friend's bday party few weeks ago. There I met a French couple. I was able to use my 'Comment talez vous' and 'Aunshante'. (the spelling is not reliable) The french guy said my accent is ok, he can understand me. Note that French has one of the hardest intonations. I feel flattered :p See this is how learning a new thing comes handy, you can relate to people in small little ways. So here goes another passion, finally started dancing waltz. Curtsy.

My attempt to find a new job sets in. I rarely have the urge to apply for new job, unless there's a trigger that fascinates me. Hmm like my first company? I just felt like squeezing myself in because it seemed hard to get in. (90% substance and 10% luck?). This time I want to squeeze myself into one of the top XXX, and I dont know any acquaintance working there except for one ex-colleague. The other top 2 places are where almost all my friends are working at. I am not crowd-centric so I didnt try the same companies. What topak is the cause... Prestige, shallow as it may sound. And actually cowardice to be exact.. trying to let nature decide its course. Running away. Or maybe, just maybe, this is actually what facing reality is about... There are always 2 sides of a coin, it's up to you to decide which side it actually is. I am quite tired, que sera sera.

I was excited the first week, then delay sets in. It's the first time I got a phone call that is neutral - i was not rejected nor accepted. In short, the rule of elimination is there. Probably I'll stand a very minute chance if they cant get anyone, and the waiting timeframe seems indefinite. I am not satisfied with my interview answers either. I have an expression disorder. Thoughts, actions and words don't jive at the same time. I'm not good in putting my best food forward. Well, there are other major booboos in my life anyway. Maybe the one essential answer that I want to know, till now still cant spit out anything. Big L. (L sign on the forehead). For such answers, I guess it's just a matter of time when I'll be able to tell myself, maybe the answers dont make much difference anymore. :p

There was a day I was late to a dinner get-together, only because Canon in D was played in an orchestra outside a new mall. I just stood there till the piece was finished. I was drawn to the melody, it always reminds me of My Sassy Girl (being one of the OST). One day I hope I can also write an interesting story online.

What should I write.. It should be unique. Interesting. Sweet yet some bitterness. Most importantly with my signature air of depth and non-sensical whim with a twist of suspense that perhaps nobody would understand. Disturbing. Anticipated flop :p A taste of it below.

...A strange dream. I kept knocking. Knocking so hard that my hands bled and bruised. Still the door wasnt opened. The stars that I hold on to, started to become blur. Was it just my imagination? Hallucination? Well do you ever care? It is just me? Probably yes. The echo seems to reckon.

Enough. Reminds me of my friend's fave phrase: P.O.I.N.T.L.E.S.S. Literature suicide hihi

If there are no enough points, then a line segment wont be formed. It's not always that life gives you a line with the arrowhead. Math guru.

Still, is holding on to something pointless considered stupid? I used to firmly believe it's not, now I thought it can be. (but I still am in denial to say it is hihi) Time to live a life, dear princess.

Speaking of, I have a severe hallucination disorder. Like for one, I always would like to feel I'm tall. Then suddenly I looked around and notice just within my circle of friends, I can already name 1 or 2 girls taller than me, and they dont feel they are tall. All these years, I chose to think I was tall, which now I think I have to brainwash myself all over again...unlearn and relearn.


Few months ago I queued so long in a bank for some transactions that later prompted me to write my first letter of complaint online. Onlife stuff works amazing here. I did get a reply within close of business, apologizing and saying they will investigate. I related the same story to my achi. I was really waiting for her to say I'm bitchy. She just commented on my well written letter, told me I have a talent. Then asked me 'Gago, what's your problem??!! lo-siao!@#$' Haha gago is a sign of endearment for us. The whole story was I lost sleep the night before, then had to wake up earlier that morning to go to the bank, queued so early and soo long with an inefficient queue handling system, then rushed to office and missed the bus, paid much for a cab, then was late for a meeting. It doesnt justify anything for bitchiness :p, just that we are human beings. I get pissed off too, dont push me. Waah I should be thankful there are still a handful of people who can tell. Or who simply chosed to believe. Even if I dont say a word. Thanks for blurting out the words for me. Things are not always proportional to what is seen or heard. We are all just mere elements of fate and logic and emotions. And sometimes not everything has an explanation. Watch 500 days of Summer.


I am in my petix mode, project's about to end. Addicted to FB games during office hours. Bejeweled Blitz, cant help but to play the one-minute game and try my luck to strike the top1 spot. Farmville is also nice, I fancied one thing there, that keeps me planting everyday. Havent played the more famous Mafia Wars or Resto city, not too much into games with 'interaction'. May not be so obvious, yes I'm anti-social, I finally realized I'm one, whether you believe me or not.

Recent gadget update: finally bought ipod. As mentioned previously, just to experience the feeling of the 'wifi'-enabled city of SG. Unfortunately, I'm not using it quite often for wifi, unlike people who update fb statuses every hour. I dont seem to have a gadget appetite, not fancying anything new, even the iphone 3gs is not enough to lure me for a 2-yr phone contract. Probably iphone 3gs is a good instrument for status quo, however I'd buy something else if that is the purpose. *wink*

I'm still enjoying the scents in my room. Last month is lavender, this month is jasmine. I wonder what to put next.

I can get satisfaction from a simple task as shampooing. I'm addicted to newly washed hair, even more to fan-dried or blow-dried hair. It sets a good mood, a good start for the day if I'm able to feel my hair fresh and dry. Sheer happiness and also the cause of tardiness. (it rhymes)

Polda-dotted, that's how I think I looked like. Went for a massage few weeks ago. The masseuse was so eager to do her salestalk for 'cupping' (pa kuan). Google it, it's a form of ancient Chinese detoxification therapy where you have empty bottles on your back to suck the toxins out of your body, via pressure valves. (orig is via fire, but that's not too commonly administered now ) Since it's free, I nodded and didnt seem to expect the trouble this would be bringing me. Holy cow, it was one hell of a painnnn, I felt like being severely beaten and punched. After the therapy, my whole back and neck have big, dark red swollen circular spots. My hausmate teased me, the marks look like .. love spots? I laughed and said, 'I think being sucked by an elephant would be more suitable lolz!'. Whoooa it took 10 days to fade all these polka dots, I felt pain the first few days even when lying down or sitting. I dont think I'll be doing this again. Well after a few days, it did give sort of a relaxing feeling. But the whole process, overall I dont think it's something worth doing regularly, I'm too tired to go through hell to get a little taste of heaven. (here's a cropped pix, quote me I normally wont go backless for a self-taken pic - too crazy, just that this is a waste if not captured)

I behaved well this year, didnt keep going to Manila for vacation like last year. Maybe, there's not much difference anyway. I underestimated and overestimated several things, really.

It has been a different year. One simple thing. The world will not stop revolving. It's up to you to keep up. I tried so many things, avoided a few things. In the end, it's not so easy to pick up where I left off. It takes courage, and I dont seem to have enough of it right now. I play with numbers everyday in my work, however age is not one of those numbers to play with, I know.

If life can be as simple as just dining in a nice place, taking some fancy pictures, the world would be such a happy place isnt it. =)

Song for the Day

Featuring the latest LSS of the week:

It's been playing in my ipod over and over again. Yes I bought one last month, just to experience the wifi-enabled city of SG, where everyone feels it and I still don't. I am barbaric.

I'm hooked with the melody. Even if you don't understand the lyrics, listening to it gives u somewhat a surge of emotions. (Disregard the video, I personally think the song is much more meaningful than the video content)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KmQJcIw7fAA

灰色的彩虹

我從秋天等到 安靜的落葉
還不夠時間 倒帶想念
就像電影情節 最後完結篇
褪色的畫面 沒有笑臉

我的記憶搖晃著昨天 我還有感覺
一抬頭什麼都看不見 雨後的無言

紅橙黃綠我都找不到的晴天
從此 我們兩個世界
在灰色季節漸漸忘記你的一切
過幾年 我在原點

彩虹出現 而我再也找不到
美麗的蝴蝶 偏偏飛不上天
對你的想念 再也寄不到
你世界 地址是再見

P.S. If you manage to understand the lyrics then this somehow describes how I feel before taking the chapter tomorrow. I'm living to my name of 'nature girl', the lyrics mostly pertain to nature elements. I'm going to be hooked on this for some time I think. It's a hook that I throw myself into...

P.P.S. The hardest word to say.. it's not Sorry, not I Love/Hate You. It is Goodbye.

Jargon

I was never good in bluffing. - my weakness, hate it.

Here I am trying to understand some fin/fx jargon to prepare for a 'testing the water' day tomorrow. If I respond fast enough, then I might be 'considered'. Booh.

There's only one thing in my mind from the very first day I stepped into the corporate world, the IT world to be exact... I like the job but I STILL want to RETIRE EARLY! haha.

I am really not confident in this.. I have a feeling this is not gonna work. Worse comes to worst, please join me for a few drinks and ice cream tomorrow.

Still, I tried and am trying my best like any other encounters in my life.. 要不起就可以不要了嗎??

If I am to write a song, that would be superb lyrics. =p

What's Cooking 09

Some serious decoration can help create appetite. Let's have some fancy names this time.

Grilled Chicken Marinated with Basil and Herbs

(finally trying to divert away from the usual Chinese cooking hehe)

Prawn and Squid Ball in Tomato Puree

(in layman terms, leftover from ref :p)

Deep Fried Lapu-lapu fillet

(the secret is simple, marinade)

My Two Way Chicken

Teriyaki Chicken - finally made one without using a ready-made sauce!

Oatmeal Fried Chicken

(theme is sesame seeds :p)

Chicken and Veggie Medley

take note of my flower carvings again

(special mention to this simple dish is that I cooked this last year at home during my vacation, my mom and sister liked it and asked for my recipe! yoohoo success)

P.S. Finally starting to expand my seasonings. The taste of the herb mixes is quite strange at times, even I didnt like it, too strong.

Nothingness

Was so lazy the past few days, or was it the past few months. Failed to update blog in a long time. Toxic days ahead in work, I can already feel it coming.

Pasalubong
Some of my favorite pasalubongs in my last trip:
Mom's blouse - I got attracted by the brooch-like sewn design the first time I saw it and the cut of the blouse, however the blouse was twice my budget so I left without buying (I previously already bought a few pcs for this uwi but not as nice as this one). Few weeks before my flight, I again went to my usual shopping place and saw it again. Cant resist anymore, I know it'll look good on my mom. I specifically told her to reserve that for special occasions only *winks* demanding.

Nephew's shirt - I am not a big fan of any cartoon character but this one really caught my attention. I saw it on sale and dug my hand so fast. Just so cute both graphics and message. I think I better stop buying too kiddie stuff as my nephews are already in grade school

'Lag'
I somehow have a 'lag' in terms of price range and fads nowadays in Manila. I'm still used to what I thought was a 'reasonable/practical' price of commodities and services before. If you're away for 2 years+, then you'd feel the surge in prices, inflation in Philippines. My sister was laughing, 'dapat nga sanay ka sa mahal eh'. I answered 'sa SG oo no choice eh, pero dito parang weird!'

1. I went for dental tooth filling (pasta) and was charged for 1500phhp for 3 teeth. I used to pay only 300-350php for each before. I complained at home and my sister said, ''pasalamat ka, I just had mine for 700php each!"

2. I was asked to treat lunch at Penang Hill. I used to like their food before, but it wasnt on top of my list for the reason that I can taste any of their bestseller dishes in the hawker anyday if I want to. However since my companions seemed to be craving for Makan food: here goes Roti Prata, Beef Rendang, Thai Tom Yum, Char Kway Teow, Fish Curry. Hainanese chicken was out of stock or else 'all present' talaga. And that point in time I was craving for Jerry's Grill hehe, well not really a mega huge fan of Filipino food. Anyway, since I enjoy being in the company of people na nasa mood kumain, so cge pagbigyan. Since there wasnt any expensive seafood at all in the bill, I was a bit surprised that total charge was like more than 1400php. Mahal na rin pla mag-eat out sa Manila.

3. Jollibee - a place I always have to pay 'courtesy call' to.
One-pc chicken spaghetti meal with drinks is now 100php. Gone are the days where 50php was sufficed for a chickenjoy meal. One-pc chickenjoy meal with drinks is 82php. Anyway, I still enjoy eating at Jollibee. As my friend reacted, if a fastfood meal costs 100php, magkano na ba ang allowance ng mga students ngyon sa Manila?

4. I havent received a bday cake in quite some time. Finally got a Mango Bravo from Conti's, which I heard was popular. Lame first-timer. It was good.

5. A friend told me membership at Fitness First's gym is now at 2600php/month. 2 years back, I know it was only 1200-1500php. It doubled.

6. My sister got a free voucher for massage and pedicure from The Spa, which she wont be able to use and gave to me. I havent been there before and I know they charge above average. Anyway it's free so I went there to pamper myself. I checked the worth of the vouchers: pedicure 380php, 1hr swedish massage 820php. Quite high especially the pedicure! After the pampering session, I further walked around the mall and saw a lot of familiar shops that I see in SG: Wade, Aldo, Iora, Topshop/Topman, Dorothy Perkins, Promod, etc - the prices are similar actually at 2K+php. (2k+php seems more exorbitantly high than seeing 70sgd? :p),Seems like spending level has gone up in Manila.

7. Kelan pa nagsulputan ang mga Savory Chicken branches in malls? I havent noticed this before. A briliant step to franchise a classic indeed. I used to order chicken and lomi from their main branch in Escolta. Bigla ako nagcrave, that's what I requested to be ordered in my yummy byebye dinner, with Mom's home-cooked seafood dishes. Party time.

Lag na, d ako updated.

Counting
Because of the recent stories related to sickness shared by people around me, I suddenly became aware and conscious of life's predicaments, i.e. gynaecological-related.

I used to have a classmate before who was the ultimate boy magnet, crush ng bayan, the type whom ordinary girls (like me) would admire. This girl was already engaged 4 years back, and yet mysteriously, her wedding was called off by the guy's side. It was like 'omg, what went wrong, jackpot na pinakawalan pa'. It was only late last year when I heard of the reason... The girl went through some operations with mattress (uterus)-related problems and have implications on birth-giving. The harsh reality.

and I initially thought such disorder was rare, .. seemed not.

I recently heard of few couples who were married for years and wifey not pregnant till now. I guess such situations are tough. Irregular menstrual cycle, polycystic cases, in vitro, etc,

So what sums up the essence of a woman:
At age >24, question: kelan ka ikakasal?
After marriage, question: d ka pa buntis?
*Additional for the old-style FilChi, question: wala ka pang anak na lalaki?
:)

Well I guess the essence of a man doesnt sound so easy too, add to above: earnings? cars? house?. so life is what.

Anyway, as my mom puts it, better 'pay tuition to buy peace of mind', referring to having check-ups for prevention. Note that it was heavily raining in Manila the whole week I was there, and I got to experience typhoon signal#2 again in a very long time. Despite so, I still dragged myself for an ultrasound. (read: ultrasound is not for pregnant woman only, it's for checking whole upper and lower abdomen with all the organs). I hope to see results as 'cleared'.

The nurse/technician who assisted me seems like a baguhan. I dont know if it was SOP as she asked me so many questions. It was my first time so I also had no idea. Suddenly she pointed at the screen and counted aloud '1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6...'. I was like 'what???', i suddenly felt some numbness. I asked her 'may nakita kayong cyst?'. She answered 'ahmm ahmm, wala naman'. I asked again, 'normal ba'. She said 'antayin nyo na lng yun result bukas'. Hmm I'm not feeling lucky nowadays, I really hope there is nothing serious.

The next day I went to get the results. Despite the medical jargon, I didnt see any familiar word that should be a cause of big panic. The only '6' I can see in the results is the measurement of some organs like 1.6*1.9*2.3 etc, so I guess she was counting the centimeters from a ruler bar in her screen? I felt somewhat relieved and went for the doctor's diagnosis. All's well that end's well. (If not, I wont be blogging about it here). Loko lng si nurse :p. Anyway, that's a reminder for all the women and girls (once you have your period), it's always better to be safe than sorry.


The Young Days
I live in Binondo, studied in Binondo both elem and HS, and the whole stretch of Masangkay and Benavidez, memoryado ko with closed eyes. I went there for an errand and ended up buying all the street food that I can see. It was years ago when I passed by there.
- Fishballs, Kikiam and Kwek Kwek outside St. Stephen's
- HK style pan-fried noodles in Eat Fresh
- Fresh boiled corn outside the chapel near Metro Hospital
- New store: pancit malabon from Tunay na Pancit Malabon
- New store: fresh bibingka (i forgot the stall's name)
too bad there was no dirty ice cream that time.

If only my stomach could still fill in some more food - there were Suzhou dimsum and Lan Zhou La Mien across Metropolitan Hospital. I was surprised to see Goldilocks and Red Ribbon in the same vicinity too.

I was amused to see another new condo in progress right across St. Stephen's High School. Metro Hospital now looks superb and 'sosyal', far from the shabby building it used to be. It even has Seattles's Coffee house inside.

I also got to try some of my fave Binondo dimsum houses again while meeting up with a few close friends who bothered to take time to see me:
- Wanchai
- Tasty
- of course Wai Ying
- Xiao Chuen Yuen

It was like time travel.


Ending line:
I heard this line from someone before...'where nothingness is everything, and everything else is nothing'


P.S.
都已經過了兩個月了, 可我心裏有時還是七上八下的.
怎麽有一種被惩罰的感覺 :-< 這次真的考倒我了 真希望...

Still..

Cant believe one month has passed, it's already July. Cant believe my EQ is getting low. Issue.

I am nonchalant about the flight. Shall i postpone... Seems to be the opposite of how I used to be. Let alone my whatever issue, add to it the pandemic H1N1 cases surging in both SG and PH. Oh well I know it's just a hyped viral spread, pero ayoko lng mahawaan at lalong manghawa ng iba in my short visit.

For One More Day..

Finally somebody lent me this book, during the time when I was feeling low and probably just wanting some pats on the back? Story was good, again living up to my expectations for an Albom book. I was hesitant at the beginning as it deals with the living and the dead, anyhow I finished reading the book. I didnt cry though, I guess I stopped crying way way back. A good read for people who fail to appreciate what they have or those who take people around them for granted.

Cancelled

Planning ahead is not so good afterall. I cancelled a paid nearby trip and a paid class. Just not the right timing.

Embossed

I've been wanting to go this place and finally went there for a day trip last June (will post pics separately). My keepsake from Malacca, a keychain embossed with my chinese surname, or rather a chinese word that is present in all the 3-worded-chinese-name.

...I... still... I dont know.

I...

I still cant believe what happened.

First time I had to rush to emergency. Sometimes sh*t happens. I feel so helpless, tired and alone. Suddenly I dont know who to call. I mean the comfort level to hassle someone during tough times.

After I went back, I called home, but still didnt mention a word. I dont want my mom worrying.

A test of faith perhaps. Sometimes when life seems so perfect and smooth-sailing, then something has to happen to jerk me off from my composure. I want to hibernate and hide from everyone for the time being...

我很累...

Nothing Much

Looking for Mitch
I didnt know Mitch Albom released a new book 'For One More Day' by 07, I saw his book in a book store at the airport. I seldom, seldom, seldom read books and I really find his earlier two books 'Tuesdays with Morrie' and 'The Five People You Meet in Heaven' to be insightful, and even made me cry I think. It makes me wonder what he has personally went through to describe life's stories in such vivid details. I have this feeling that people who 'have stories' are by themselves different, without effort they seem to stand out from crowds who have lived sheltered and pampered lives. However I still didnt buy the book, I dont want to develop a new addiction lol. Other than cookbooks and text books, all the other books that I have read are mostly lent by some friends. So I hope someone lends me (not really 'give' me coz I dont drop garapal hints to get a gift haha!) this one again hehe.



From Back Home
I had a relaxing vacation again back home. It was too short that I didnt notice it ended. I dont know if it's a good thing to go home so often breaking the momentum that I have, as it usually leaves me more questions than answers... Anyway something new: first-timer - tickling foot spa at Manila Ocean Park. And tasting handwash (dont ask me why, I know I wasnt drunk at all!)













Adios B-I-A-T-C-H
I havent been annoyed in such a long, long time. Just when I thought my previous blog entry dedicated to her is the final encounter, I'm so surprised to get a ym message from her last week. May 12, I remembered exactly, I was having OT in office at 9pm and got a ym message from her. After the pa-cutesy small talk, she asked me whether I have already thrown my garbage as the box she threw away from a gadget has a serial number which she is looking for. *#$&%* Whoever in a right mind would think of asking whether trash from exactly 14 days ago would still be in your house? I threw everything that same night because of the bulging garbage can she had stuffed so full, with a sanitary napkin laying on top of it. YUUCUCCK spare me. You really really got me. Permanently offline! I really hope our paths wont cross again in the future. Final chapter. In movies terminology, no sequel, pre-quel, or spin-off!




Luxury is Sleep and Eat
Thanks to the instructor who smsed me that it was holiday (Vesak day). My yoga class was cancelled. I woke up past 1130am on 2 consecutive days (Sat and Sun after my vacation). That is sheer luxury. I've been craving for porridge for the past few weeks after seeing an ad for porridge buffet. I'm not really a fan of porridge, however the feeling is horrible when you crave so much on something and you dont get it. :( No one wants to have porridge hmpff. I made up for it this week, next topic for my blog. *burps*




New Golden Rule
I got some serious talk with my sister over ym. She's pissed on some recurring matters that are bugging her for quite some time. Things which I consider could have been better addressed by some other means, if I were in her shoe. I blurted this to her 'hey if you cant change the situation, change your attitude'. And she was quite mesmerized and complimented since when I have become so matured :p. I just realize how fancy and brilliant my advices can be at times :p. Easier said than done, but yeah sometimes even if you try to be positive, to be hopeful like a fool wishing for the stars, somehow somewhere things just dont go your way. Could be not the right time. Could be you dont understand. Could be you have to let go. Could be you dont see the full picture. Could also be you just have to have a little patience and wait . Anyway I also dont have a clue hehe. But at least, I am impressed and a bit inspired by that quote. :D

I Bet!

These are some of my fave souveniers.


Framed Memories
During vacation, we seldom buy tourist spot-specific, personalized keychain as they are usually exaggerately priced (foreigner level). However the photo is really excellent - great editing skills :p, so with the packaging. Thus we still bought one each. It's the memory and the feeling that I want for keeps. How much are you willing to pay to frame a fond memory in your mind? Can we frame all the good ones virtually so that we dont forget any?

The Bet, You Bet
I bought two of these shimmering chips (bets) in Senado Square. I just like it :D. Although some people might find me quite different , to be honest I think I'm also just going with the flow and taking only 'calculated risks'. I still have some big bets to make.. I thought I was capable, but still circumstances seem not quite. And the bet might just always be a bet kept in my bag, I wonder when will I be ready to cast it out. The concept of betting, shall I keep it or trade it for something else? Good point.


One more thing, the bet has a church printed on it, with the value of $1000. Funny that gambling and church co-exist - twisted, just like my thoughts hehe. I have twisted thoughts, but somehow luckily I always seem to outgrow those, deviate within acceptable limits and then again retract back to what I should be. Btw, my family smiled so big when they saw me back in my old look, straight hair. No traces of curls and frizz, the wonders of rebond seem to hide everything so neatly, the annoying untamed curls are gone. Now makes me curious who developed this magical concept. Who cares, I love it.


The Glass
Nothing much to explain. It was on sale so I bought it.

B-i-a-t-c-h

This is one of the most ggrrrh encounters. It feels d*mned bad when you get sh*t for a good deed.


I wont want to elaborate what happened. Here's a collection of kabwisitan thoughts:


1. I dislike people who speaks English slang in an unpleasant manner. Excuse me, it really hurts my ear to hear OVER-pronounced English letter, word, sentence. Do me a favor, shut up.


2. Don't flaunt your Fookien in front of me in aim of building a 'close tayo' mood, when I can hear clearly that your diction is not good and in fact inaccurate. I can assure you that my Fookien/Mandarin is of caliber GI level that you perhaps could never imagine.


3. What 'makapal ang mukha' means in the truest sense. I still cant believe how a stranger can act so comfortably in my room, using my things so naturally. Dumping all the trash and even sanitary napkin trash in my garbage can making it overflowing before leaving. The phone conversation was very irritable. Hell, do I look like a hotel operator?



4. I abhor girls who are OVERLY pa-tweetums, pa-cute, pa-sweet to the extremes, ma-PR, over-friendly and shows over fondliness on children, I just dont feel enough sincerity. And I
ALSO abhor stupid guys who fall for such girls and get blinded by that fact and still think that they've won a jackpot, pathetic! The useless bf who did nothing, congrats by the way for having such a wonderful girl who knows very well how to take advantage of others in the sweetest manner.


Okay enough, lame delayed reaction. I am no saint. I'm not like my friend who quit work to join JVP volunteer work to help provincial folks on ways he can to serve the country - of which I respect him but still find the logic a bit off and absurd. Probably I just simply want to do good once in a while in my areas of influence, in little ways that I can. And yet I dont know why do things like this have to happen to dishearthen earthly people and rub the goodness out of them. Hmm probably the world is just like that, it doesn't make any sense to be good after all. Nothing's gonna change it.

'It Sucks'

Office Jinx
Somehow something will go wrong! Amidst the many days that I've got nothing to do, something finally sent me jumping off my feet again. My ofc PC bogged down, and I again had no backup of the files in my pc. Registry file failure. Great! #@!%# I've sent the CPU for recovery, not sure if my files can be salvaged.

Last week my boss called me for a talk, he was persuading to take up development work. Sheesh I dont know why people say 'you can do it', but I still feel that 'I cant'. Whenever someone tells me that in difficult times, I do appreciate but I really want to ask back, 'what made you think so'. Funny that I've survived almost 6 years in the IT industry. Same story last year for this dev thing, but somehow the plan didnt really completely push through. If things go wrong, I guess I really should have PEP (personal employment pass) handy hehe.

I know what I want.
I somehow have an idea on what should be done.
But I dont know how to do it. (probably lacks the discipline or confidence)

Whether about development work or life in general, above statements apply.
It sucks.


Bridge Closure
My friend (female) has been talking with me about her boylets issue. The puzzle guy is also talking with me about his issues. Although the puzzle guy is sometimes really nuts, but somehow his effort cant also be overlooked. He actually asked my friend to come over here and he'll apply a dependent pass for her, whew though I dont know why he seems to be proposing to a not-yet-gf girl, but still effort is commendable. Can you believe that he courted my friend 3 times?! na-basted na ng twice. Finally the verdict, 3rd time is also 'basted'. I asked my friend whether she really does like him or not, she said there were times before where she felt she likes him but he didnt make a move. Oh well so sad. I guess it all boils down to 'timing' :D. Yeah timing counts.

And the annoying thing is that sometimes pati ako hinihiritan. Awww this is not what I want. I dont consider him as reason enough to go against any potential friendship issues. Magpapabasted ka na rin lng, wag sa kaclose ko! Fairly speaking, setting aside everything, also not my type.

Anyway, I guess this is really the end of their story. What a relief, no more bridge! If things are really not meant to be, at least I am happy for them that they both have a 'closure'. Closure might be better at times.

P.S. I guess I also have to find closure for a lot of things.


Point in Time
'At that point in time, I failed to do or say something'.

I was talking with my achi a while ago and she was making fun of me why I have an 'unknown' visitor in my room. Well for info, my achi has the talent of making you feel worse when you are feeling bad, I guess gatungan is also one way of lambingan, at least in my family. :p

I am not really mad, just cant help feeling stupid. The mere fact that I don't want to let you down is the reason why I find it hard to turn down a request coming from you! Period. Bahala ka na.


Going Home Again
Finally something to perk me up. All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go... Hope to see you all :)

Kikay-ish

I just met with leklek yesterday. Because he has been inviting me to his hangout place (read: gay bar) for quite some time, finally found the chance to accompany him. My first time to a gay bar, gays there arent so loose as I expected them to be, in fact conservative. It was a bar cum public KTV place, I sang 2 or 3 songs that night (keber kahit na public) and I was told that I can sing well and exudes a different appeal while singing Mandarin songs. haha whew that made my night (I do believe them :p, no point of any b.s. as I'm not a prospect at all!) I guess I have another fallback career hmm.

Anyway, I will be forever grateful to him because he taught me one of the biggest kikay lessons - and that is it's mandatory to smile showing teeth. Goodness, I havent widely-smiled for the last 20+years of my life (cause I dont know how to!) and finally someone insisted that I should change it. I think I look more human from 07 onwards. haha thanks sis.

Sometimes I'm afraid to see my old pictures hihi. This was my typical look, with glasses that is :p. Taken while crossing a hanging bridge in Bohol, 2005. Guys and girls, you must really like me for bearing with me hehe. I miss those good old days.

Quote: Once in a while, we all need to seriously look at the mirror and go for a make-over. :D Life is a continuous journey of self-improvement.

LSS: Ballads

I heard this song over the radio and instantly had LSS on it. Sung by a new singer, I would say he is excellent with falsetto. You can hear it here: http://www.gg800.com/p/239547.htm
The lyrics are sincere. I 'crush' him tuloy :D. (disclaimer: falsetto is not gay)

你可不可以爱我 可不可以想我
虽然我对自己没有一点的把握
别害怕我难过 告诉我你真实的感受
至少忐忑已告一段落
你可不可以爱我 可不可以看我
反正看或不看
我依然失魂落魄
成全不是美德
拒绝也不是一种罪过
你能给我 快乐还是寂寞 ＊


One more song, the chorus is well-written and rhyming.
全世界都停了电
全世界都封了街
我所有窗子外面 被贴上黑夜
我呐喊思念却没人听见
绝望到极点 剩的是疲倦
全世界都停了电
全世界白雪满天
才发觉在我心间 有回忆碎片
一作梦翻身就刺痛流血
我卷着身体 缩成一个圈 像一个句点

There goes recommended mp3 for the day.

Wind

I'm supposed to read some docs for next project, but my system seems to have shut off. Nothing is registering, absolutely. All I can think of now is what to do on my vacation. Yes u bet.

I guess I'd run out of nature elements to write about if I continue to be idle :p Who cares.

The sun shines through the vivid sky with shadows casted on the horizons. Casting a spell on me bedazzled by the stills and motions.

I love how you kiss away my tears as you blow through the skyscrapers, with a sweet song lingering on my ear.

I love how you make me long for your embrace, as if waiting for spring to come and surround me with blossoming roses.

I love how you shower me with dewdrops, giving life to the unearthened layers of rocks and pebbles.

I loathe the day you disappear, taking away the colors that I see.

I feel empty and lost in the wilderness without your guiding murmurs.

I wish you exist in every corner, every dimension, every breath that I take.

I feel heaven and see butterflies whenever you are around.

- Wind