So many things happened when I got back to work this year from vacation. Just the following day, the company I'm working for got splashed all over the headlines of SG dailies because of corporate fraud of which CEO has stepped down. Shocking as it is, its presence in 40+ countries, the 50,000+ associates worldwide, all suddenly came into a big dilemma. Will we survive this kind of scandal in times of recession. Whew.
January payroll got delayed for several days. From sana may increase... to sana hndi ako matanggal.. to now.. sana may sweldo ako this month. What a mess. Wehehe so far didnt sound as bad as it is, good thing I'm still paid.
More than half of those I worked with were already sent back somewhere else or asked to resign. I was a bit anxious last January because my banking project was ending soon and I dont know what's taking so long to allocate me back to telco project. Note on bench on few days = greater chance of bye bye. I purposedly dropped by the other office of my PM, I really wanted to know if they're allocating me back. Somehow when I was there, I couldnt find the words to say and just left without even asking. I'm such a coward in asking when I'm not confident to get a definite answer. Let it be, talk to me when you're ready :(
A few days after, finally they're chasing after me. Client wanted me back. As in 'namedrop'. Whew so I joined the meeting the next day and the clients were glad to see me. Someone from the client said 'hey we missed you'.. and I answered 'thank you' (what a dry answer hehe. I should have answered 'I miss you all too' :p) It felt good that somehow what I'm doing is 'value-add' and gets appreciated.
Crazy company with crazy policies. Lame timelines by project managers who want to cut down cost and expedite progress = burnout associates. Banking project was actually not officially over and I was pulled out for telco. See what were the excuses made by my PM in banking project - leslie cant join us anymore because she's sick, she took Medical Leave for one week, then she went to Manila. Then what? #@#$ I dont like these crazy lies.
Anyway, important thing is I have a project now that will be running for quite some time, I'm still 'safe'. It's really a matter of luck and staying power. Like one of my favorite lines, I dont necessary have to be the best. but I want be to irreplaceable. You wont easily find someone like me or someone to replace me. Probably it's my common sense that is not so common that is earning me the credits. I may not know if a solution will work, my job is to say 'something is wrong' and point that out hehe.
I actually dont know how it all started. I came in 23 months back. Do all sort of tasks. I dont know what my role is actually, as they say I'm an all-rounder. I analyse data, crunch my head out in data recon, perform testing, interact with users, get requirements, documents, sometimes even develop some easy programs, and also include those times when I'm a secretary preparing meeting minutes and preparing updates and presentation slides for my PM. As long as it's something that I can do or learn to do and within working hours, I dont quite argue. Finally few weeks back, I was glad that when a counterpart was going against me, my ever strict project manager yelled back and said 'she's my lead in this project, she has identified so many bugs, do what she said'. Wow it felt so good - affirmation. Finally I know what I am :p. How can I possibly land a lead role in SG??? Now I dont have to do so much dirty work myself but rather ask people, push people to do things for me. And oh my English seems to get much "broken" now dealing with more KL and SG folks. Sample: phrases like 'I not yet checked' instead of 'I havent checked'.
I just got to realize I prefer being a consultant rather than managing something. I dont really like much the feeling like the world is on my shoulders. This additional role didnt get me any added benefits, but more hassles due to dealing with incompetent people. Probably I'm not really born to be a career woman. I'd probably be happier managing something that has a direct impact on me, eg managing my own business, my own crew, etc. This is one heck of a headache. SIT comes and my schedule goes crazy as well. Leaving office at 930pm for 1 week is too much. Then come Saturday and I rest and have to feel guilty because they expect much more. 'I want you to be on top of everything'. I hate it when my weekend time gets stolen by work. Due to a pinch of martyrdom, okay fine I dragged myself to office today (Sunday) to check how things were going.
For some strange reason, I still havent applied for permanent residency. Blame it on my stupid stubborness for sticking to what I intend. I have this feeling that if I apply for PR, it will be much harder to give up the easy life here. But now this stupidity will cost me much suspense. Anytime I do get retrenched, I will have to find a job in ONE month's time. Okay fine, crossing my fingers, let's bring it on. :p
At the corners of my mind, probably somehow I have set 'the day'. the end date hehe. I'm still confused, I really dont know. But somehow I just know I have to go back to my real home... :)
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