Shoot Them All - updated rants

This is the lousiest week. When people make u look bad and can really make you feel you are the most stupid and slowest person on earth.

P.I. i dont know how many times these words kept repeating in my mind (or actualy murmuring them in my seat). Walang santa santa pag sumosobra.

I really cannot understand what this new dreaded task being assigned to me is about. Ganon na lng ba lagi? I dont want to think no more...

Dont pull the trigger please.

*updated*

It happened because my teammate went on paternity leave without handling anything. Unexpectedly I didnt know I am supposed to take over. I dont know at all what is going on. People are really smart ass, and compared to them, I am way way behind. I cannot just grasp things like that in a instant. In the real world, there are always people who are far more intelligent and capable than me. They just can handle anything.

I work in a top bank, pre-merger time, it is prestiguous enough to be mentioned in SATC movie (I didnt notice that before I watch that film in the moviehouse again). I cannot commit mistakes because a trading app that goes haywire means $ losses for the company - my boss told me that explicitly on my first day, because he knew I am not from investment bank background. We have monthly celebration that serves nonstop wine (i dont know the brands) and beer dripping from faucet (Herdinger and whatever brands) and fancy food catering. The best thing is finally I am able to have a real 930am-630pm job. When the clock ticks to 630pm, everyone is like being tossed of their chairs. Staying till 730-8pm already means martyrdom.

But still, the most painful thing is when you dont understand, because nobody is gonna teach you and show you how. Maybe slow talaga ako, ibang level sila. Some months I am very good. In 3 days, I screwed up my name again. No mercy.

Kaya mo yan les.. There's something that I would like to hear more.. 'Cge, resign na!' :)))

Wed night I went out with my good friend, drank too much because I was too upset, and anyway ladies night is all free. 7 shots (vodka, martini are nothing much, but tequilla is the killer) ok first time I knew what it meant to float.

A friend from Manila asked me why I am here and that I shouldnt be career-centered. It was not just about career, or it was never about career :p. Is it for money, I cant say no. Perhaps only people who havent experienced the scarcity of money or the bounty of it, will never know what money is for, ayoko maglinis to say money doesnt matter at all. Whatever your hobby is, sports or photography or travel or even providing for your family, I dont think you can fulfill any of it without money. Is it for exposure? Is it for experience? Anyway, I also dont know how to answer and what it is exactly for. Maybe you can give me an answer.

Loser mode. Pray hard that I'll be fine!