Life is again different now

When I was just new here in sg, I remembered having moments like waking up in the morning, and can't believe where I was, having this surreal feeling, 'Where am I again?'

The IB job got me into a different level of challenge and stress. I was dreading work, cursing almost everyday, 'PI!' you bet. Partly was also because of few assholes in the workplace. And yes, this is my 3rd gloomiest chapter. (2nd being the mini-accident during 2009). I dont want to elaborate on this gloomy chapter, all I can say is everything is part of life.

And now, what has changed. Finally after working for eight gruelling long consecutive years without any real breaks, I am finally having a break.  Can you imagine waking up 10am on a weekday, without a need for an alarm clock, no sign-off for production, no freaking production misses. Can you imagine strolling Orchard on a weekday, attending yoga classes, doing more culinary experiments, catching up with friends, going on foodie trips, watching movies online. I seem to have all the time in the whole world now.  Is this really for real???  What am I supposed to do with 24hours a day?! Never realized there are actually 24 hours in a day, if you get what I'm saying.  Life used to be just Sat and Sun and holidays for me. (Or in some other previous jobs, even the holidays/weekends can be deprived occasionally) Now life has extended, omg.

Because of this unexpected yet expected break, I feel kinda pressured. Is this a sign, a sign of what? I have promised my mom to spend some time with her, at least during her birthday month. You bet, I will also have 24hours a day in Manila. Now the whole idea seems to excite and to scare me a bit. I always have a long and unaccomplished to-do list.  I will now have time to squeeze them all in, if I'm good with managing my time. I can enroll in whatever fancy workshops, I can eat in whatever new resto or go to any cool place.  I guess I have time to mend broken relationships/ties and unfinished businesses. But then again, I suddenly feel most of my friends have gone on with their own lives there.  I hate to admit but yes, probably it doesnt make a big difference whether I'll be back or not :(.    

I'm not as good in sugarcoating like some of my friends. To be honest, even if I'm happy about the whole idea, it's also freaking me out. The sugarcoating way of saying is 'sabbatical', the layman way is 'bum'. :))  I'm freaking because my resume will reflect real gaps now. I'm freaking because I still have to pay rent. -these are my honest feelings. But learning from people who are good in sugarcoating, I should label this as 'a period of self-exploration and self-improvement' :) I really need some light and strength right now. Aww God help me.