Nostalgic

I was never good with parting ways, even though I think I had a fair share of people who I REALLY care for who left me, either permanently or temporarily: (in order)
my dad
my first manager/close friend
my closest guy friend in college
my closest female friend in hs
my closest guy friend in hs
and now finally, I am next in line.
...Still I am not an expert in handling this kind of situation.

I am bad in decision making when it comes to really critical things, it's taking me the longest time. I remember how I dislike being asked the question 'what is the biggest risk you've made' - a favorite question during P&G interview days, risk-taking being one of the SAWS Success Actions for Winning. To be honest, I never really made any big risk in my whole life. Now finally I have something to answer, an opportunity comes which I NEVER really persistently looked for.

It actually only sinked in to me last Tuesday night (Mar 20) that I am leaving. I cried so hard that night, the family I'll be leaving behind, the true friends I have, the job I have for the past almost 4 years - the fulfillment behind it including the perks of being in the comfort zones. A question keeps bugging me... is it really worth it. I cried some more last night (Mar 22) when I got home. I am not really a crybaby on other things actually.

A friend and I met the other day and he gave me his despidida mpeg file which he created for me. (This is an HS barkada - platonic). I was so moved. In the video, there were a lot of scanned images from HS grad pics, dimsum and fastfood snack sessions, gimiks, neoprints, especially out of town trips. It was like travelling thru a time machine. (we all looked different and a bit funny back then). Summing up, we already knew each other for 13 years since HS days, sigh. The music used for the video is Endless Love 1's OST - opening song 'Reason' - a sad song. Tears start accumulating again, you know the sensation when pressure goes to your nose making you like vomiting and then you feel that your eyes are full with waterdrops and your face in red. (haha drama pero it does happen)

There are times when I really wanted to burst out to cry, but I keep holding myself at home. I dont want my family to see me crying because I know they will worry more. I also dont want to cry in the office, it's going to be funny (well yeah you have to preserve the image of being professional - and that is separating emotions from work). I dont know where else to run. Hay naku why am I so weak in this aspect? Am I just making a biggie out of it? Ganon din ba ang iba?

For this adventure, I dont really set a high goal. If i could get away smoothly with 6 months not ranting and whining too much and still surviving well - then I'd be fairly happy and satisfied. Anyway my timing is max 1 year for this 'chapter'. Support me okay? Aja!!! :)