'It Sucks'

Office Jinx
Somehow something will go wrong! Amidst the many days that I've got nothing to do, something finally sent me jumping off my feet again. My ofc PC bogged down, and I again had no backup of the files in my pc. Registry file failure. Great! #@!%# I've sent the CPU for recovery, not sure if my files can be salvaged.

Last week my boss called me for a talk, he was persuading to take up development work. Sheesh I dont know why people say 'you can do it', but I still feel that 'I cant'. Whenever someone tells me that in difficult times, I do appreciate but I really want to ask back, 'what made you think so'. Funny that I've survived almost 6 years in the IT industry. Same story last year for this dev thing, but somehow the plan didnt really completely push through. If things go wrong, I guess I really should have PEP (personal employment pass) handy hehe.

I know what I want.
I somehow have an idea on what should be done.
But I dont know how to do it. (probably lacks the discipline or confidence)

Whether about development work or life in general, above statements apply.
It sucks.


Bridge Closure
My friend (female) has been talking with me about her boylets issue. The puzzle guy is also talking with me about his issues. Although the puzzle guy is sometimes really nuts, but somehow his effort cant also be overlooked. He actually asked my friend to come over here and he'll apply a dependent pass for her, whew though I dont know why he seems to be proposing to a not-yet-gf girl, but still effort is commendable. Can you believe that he courted my friend 3 times?! na-basted na ng twice. Finally the verdict, 3rd time is also 'basted'. I asked my friend whether she really does like him or not, she said there were times before where she felt she likes him but he didnt make a move. Oh well so sad. I guess it all boils down to 'timing' :D. Yeah timing counts.

And the annoying thing is that sometimes pati ako hinihiritan. Awww this is not what I want. I dont consider him as reason enough to go against any potential friendship issues. Magpapabasted ka na rin lng, wag sa kaclose ko! Fairly speaking, setting aside everything, also not my type.

Anyway, I guess this is really the end of their story. What a relief, no more bridge! If things are really not meant to be, at least I am happy for them that they both have a 'closure'. Closure might be better at times.

P.S. I guess I also have to find closure for a lot of things.


Point in Time
'At that point in time, I failed to do or say something'.

I was talking with my achi a while ago and she was making fun of me why I have an 'unknown' visitor in my room. Well for info, my achi has the talent of making you feel worse when you are feeling bad, I guess gatungan is also one way of lambingan, at least in my family. :p

I am not really mad, just cant help feeling stupid. The mere fact that I don't want to let you down is the reason why I find it hard to turn down a request coming from you! Period. Bahala ka na.


Going Home Again
Finally something to perk me up. All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go... Hope to see you all :)

Kikay-ish

I just met with leklek yesterday. Because he has been inviting me to his hangout place (read: gay bar) for quite some time, finally found the chance to accompany him. My first time to a gay bar, gays there arent so loose as I expected them to be, in fact conservative. It was a bar cum public KTV place, I sang 2 or 3 songs that night (keber kahit na public) and I was told that I can sing well and exudes a different appeal while singing Mandarin songs. haha whew that made my night (I do believe them :p, no point of any b.s. as I'm not a prospect at all!) I guess I have another fallback career hmm.

Anyway, I will be forever grateful to him because he taught me one of the biggest kikay lessons - and that is it's mandatory to smile showing teeth. Goodness, I havent widely-smiled for the last 20+years of my life (cause I dont know how to!) and finally someone insisted that I should change it. I think I look more human from 07 onwards. haha thanks sis.

Sometimes I'm afraid to see my old pictures hihi. This was my typical look, with glasses that is :p. Taken while crossing a hanging bridge in Bohol, 2005. Guys and girls, you must really like me for bearing with me hehe. I miss those good old days.

Quote: Once in a while, we all need to seriously look at the mirror and go for a make-over. :D Life is a continuous journey of self-improvement.

LSS: Ballads

I heard this song over the radio and instantly had LSS on it. Sung by a new singer, I would say he is excellent with falsetto. You can hear it here: http://www.gg800.com/p/239547.htm
The lyrics are sincere. I 'crush' him tuloy :D. (disclaimer: falsetto is not gay)

你可不可以爱我 可不可以想我
虽然我对自己没有一点的把握
别害怕我难过 告诉我你真实的感受
至少忐忑已告一段落
你可不可以爱我 可不可以看我
反正看或不看
我依然失魂落魄
成全不是美德
拒绝也不是一种罪过
你能给我 快乐还是寂寞 ＊


One more song, the chorus is well-written and rhyming.
全世界都停了电
全世界都封了街
我所有窗子外面 被贴上黑夜
我呐喊思念却没人听见
绝望到极点 剩的是疲倦
全世界都停了电
全世界白雪满天
才发觉在我心间 有回忆碎片
一作梦翻身就刺痛流血
我卷着身体 缩成一个圈 像一个句点

There goes recommended mp3 for the day.

Wind

I'm supposed to read some docs for next project, but my system seems to have shut off. Nothing is registering, absolutely. All I can think of now is what to do on my vacation. Yes u bet.

I guess I'd run out of nature elements to write about if I continue to be idle :p Who cares.

The sun shines through the vivid sky with shadows casted on the horizons. Casting a spell on me bedazzled by the stills and motions.

I love how you kiss away my tears as you blow through the skyscrapers, with a sweet song lingering on my ear.

I love how you make me long for your embrace, as if waiting for spring to come and surround me with blossoming roses.

I love how you shower me with dewdrops, giving life to the unearthened layers of rocks and pebbles.

I loathe the day you disappear, taking away the colors that I see.

I feel empty and lost in the wilderness without your guiding murmurs.

I wish you exist in every corner, every dimension, every breath that I take.

I feel heaven and see butterflies whenever you are around.

- Wind

Of Pilates and Yoga

Last year I joined Pilates. Currently I'm taking Yoga. For me, both are almost similar. Pilates has more stretching to do, sometimes you have some pulling to do with a partner which is quite relaxing. Yoga, on the other hand, has soo many positions to assume and sometimes some of the movements are really extremes, funny-looking, with the instructor shouting 'HOLD IT RIGHT THERE... 10.. 9... 8... and by the time you reach 1, your body is shaking like hell hehe. Balance, focus, sounds easy but not that easy to execute. And oh yoga's positions are fun to recall, mostly related to objects and animals: bow, locust, butterfly (flap), downward dog, cobra, warrior, etc.

Pilates

From the net: Pilates exercises teach awareness of breath and alignment of the spine, and aim to strengthen the deep torso muscles.

Yoga

Some of the positions that I can recall:

Bow

Cobra

Downward Dog (or is it Sun Salutation)

Storm

What a long day. All my officemates are gone, somewhere for some reasons. One left SG for vacation. Boss was on MC (medical certificate, equiv for sick leave). One called in that he'll be working from home. One left early to attend to her sick daughter. One said he'll be working late this evening. The whole office is mine today, no one is here except me. The joys of project cutover - Silence. It has never been this silent. The crams, the escalations, the issues, the meetings, all are gone, hmm this is quite unusual. Savor savor! Cause it wont be long when phase 2 kicks in next month and again chaos!

This is not healthy. Surfing too much, talking too much, thinking too much of things. I still have 30min before I can go home, (i guess 6pm is the not-so-garapal time to leave)

Here goes again one of the deep literary fragments that came dancing in my thought.

Somewhere sometime someone strikes something somehow. At some point, I thought I am good yet with some unforeseen amiable implications, suddenly something that I thought that I am, that I have, that I believe in, got tinted with a blur. Left some parts of my world shaking. I cant believe why or how it happened or is it that I flew off the beaten path from the very start. I tried to immerse myself with the world that I believe in, yet unexpectedly you came and shake it off, the rain. Yes, it pours itself so harshly that it overflows. I am alive. But does that mean I have to go through hell hearing the thunderstorms. It amazes me how the mantra just gets hold of me so easily, as if swept by the whirlpool rhythm. It flickers like a beacon in the dark ocean and I feel like the firefly, captivated to fly nearer and nearer. It's just so hard to ignore it. It wraps me like a cocoon and I will be here waiting for the time, the space, the universe, that I shall fly by you and sweep you off your feet. And for once, you will realize, rain or shine, what is bound to happen will happen and nothing's gonna stop it. I know for once I tried.

I'm lost....Again. - Storm

okay enough for the day, going home.

Movie Reviews: of Love and Laughter

Revolutionary Road

When I knew that Leo Dicaprio and Kate Winslet are teaming up again for a new movie named Revolutionary Road, I was quite excited. Mostly because I like Titanic and would love to see the couple again together onscreen. However I cannot find someone as excited as me. Most of the the people I've asked preferred Fast and the Furious 4. I watched Part 3 and all i remember are nice car racing scenes but story is crap. Here's one again of my uncompromised surges, okay fine I watched it alone yesterday. Movie is based on a novel with same title. Initially I felt Leo and Kate look quite mature (probably I'm still stucked in their gorgeous era), eventually the characters sinked in. Kate is really a veteran now, with all the award nominations and wins, she played the neurotic wife so well. It was basically about marriage problems, a wife insisting on living in Paris thinking a change in environment could help salvage their unhappy marriage; and
the husband wanting to stay put and satisfied with his current life. The husband initially gave in but later on backed out because he got a job promotion and another conflict is that his wife got pregnant. Thoughts:
- wives shouldnt think of too fancy, unrealistic dreams
- husbands shouldnt give false hopes
- lastly husbands shouldnt be too dense! my goodness the last scene obvious spells Kate is about to do something unusual. Spills: It was actually alarming that Kate actually committed abortion (with some rubber tubing sucking apparatus yay!) by herself and died. Morbid. Pyschotic. Disturbing. It's the first intellectual film I've watched for this year! :p Cheers.

Warning: the next few ones below are purely no-brainer hehe

Look for a Star

Stars Andy Lau and Shu Qi, romantic-comedy. Somehow recent HK films dont give me the kilig satisfaction that I used to have while watching the 80's and 90's genre before. I did like the setting though, it's based in Macau and that time I just came from Macau so I could relate quite well with the tourist spots.

Detroit Metal City

One funny movie! I joined my friends without a single clue what the movie is. It's based on a popular Japanese manga of a boy who dreams to be a ballad singer but later on ended up as the lead singer of a Satanic Rock Metal band called Detroict Metal City. The actions and mannerisms are quite hilarious, his soft-effeminate personality is totally different with the rockband singer. The tagline: 'No music, no dream!'

He's Just Not That Into You

The title caught me and I earmarked this in my calendar long ago. A bit dragging but it does exhibit the pathetic fact that every woman at some point would commit some stupid things to charm the opposite sex and eventually goes into some hallucination as to why is the guy behaving like this. There are 5 couples in the story. #1: One girl is extreme 'pathetic-ness'. She'll go on blind dates and keeps on waiting for a guy to call, and makes all sort of excuses to calm herself like 'maybe he's busy, maybe he's sick, maybe his fone got stolen, and she'll literally sit by the phone and wait for it to ring and the list goes, and some creepy crawling and stalking to appear in front of the guy. #2: Another was about a 7-year live-in couple, the girl dreams of getting wed while the guy doesnt. 'He's not proposing because he's not interested'. The other couples are not interesting so my synopsis ends here :D

Confessions of a Shopoholic

I've watched Devil Wears Prada in HBO and liked it that's why I'm watching this chick flick. A hilarious serious vain shopaholic addict who swipes $$$ into her numerous credit cards for the sake of vanity. Despite bearing so much credit card loan, she ironically became popular with her financial investment articles. I like the auction scene where she sells off her most beloved item, the green scarf (it was a symbolic item as it brought her to her beau and her job and all). It didnt fail to give a warm ending.