Getting locked out from my room due to a somewhat-old-malfunctioning lock. - first time realized how life can be so difficult without money, cellphone, an ezlink card, a watch, nor even a clean bra (I was in my pajamas) and ended up borrowing from someone... simply pathetic. Even an mrt ride seems unbearable without mp3. - if i have the time i should blog this with feelings.
Got ousted for buying concert tickets again several times this month..
Just got home from a failed bus attempt. For some reasons, thoughts just came wandering in my mind one after the other tonight, with my feet leading me to another bus direction which I had last Friday, and this is not my direction home and I realized too late. It was heading to Tuas, considered outskirts of Singapore #$#$!!, of which there is no nearby mrt. The usual 35min max mrt ride took me 2.25 hours to reach home. Why bus in the first place...
Anyway, I have many things to bother. Shit happens. That's it.
My family's coming over, I will be a full time tour guide again for a few days. Wish me luck. Expecting calm days afterwards.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Wrong Timing
My health failed me. Yesterday, dropped dead in bed at 830pm, the first in the last 2 decades I think. Woke up 730am the next day (today). And still feel sleepy the whole day. Colds, sore throat and slight fever (according to clinic). What a good timing to be sick!
Funny how past things I've said seem to have a flashback recently.
I remember one of my preachy statements in previous blog goes like 'if you cant change the situation, change your attitude'. a truckload of bs.
There's one thing that seems to tickle me. I dont know why I feel tempted. Two years ago my friend asked me about a same topic, and my answer was a clear no, would not even consider. Somehow now I seem to be entertaining the possibility. Talk about irony.
I still get impressed when someone can ride along and comment wittily on my feeling-deep train of thoughts:
me: it's hard to get back where you left off
kausap: well if you keep communicating, then I guess there won't be a point where you left off.
*claps*
The person who referred me to current company has already left, after earning 5k+ sgd from me. (talk about earning 150K+ php for just referral fee, some banks here even give 10k sgd as referral fee) However despite the big amount, I'm not enthusiastic in referring anyone. I prefer to keep my worklife private, with not much familiar faces roaming around me :p. Anyway, this person resigned because he was pirated to another similar company, with a humongous signing bonus and salary hike. Just today, got a call from him whether I'd like to join again, for another big leap (hike). Tempthing but too crazy! I dont think I can just hop around like a butterfly. I havent even earned any accomplishment yet, too early.
I should have gone to watch a Chinese movie here in j8 (mall beside the house) to enjoy my last late-night movie within walkable distance. Too bad can't, with the colds.
The same day as my moving day, a colleague will be having a housewarming party. I was somehow obliged to go to mingle. I hate PR stuff. I have so much unpacking to do with my ever-growing baggages, or I would have rather wanted to sleep.
I still have few things left to pack. This is the last post. Next would be done from Eunos. I dont know if my internet connection would be swapped right away as promised.
Funny how past things I've said seem to have a flashback recently.
I remember one of my preachy statements in previous blog goes like 'if you cant change the situation, change your attitude'. a truckload of bs.
There's one thing that seems to tickle me. I dont know why I feel tempted. Two years ago my friend asked me about a same topic, and my answer was a clear no, would not even consider. Somehow now I seem to be entertaining the possibility. Talk about irony.
I still get impressed when someone can ride along and comment wittily on my feeling-deep train of thoughts:
me: it's hard to get back where you left off
kausap: well if you keep communicating, then I guess there won't be a point where you left off.
*claps*
The person who referred me to current company has already left, after earning 5k+ sgd from me. (talk about earning 150K+ php for just referral fee, some banks here even give 10k sgd as referral fee) However despite the big amount, I'm not enthusiastic in referring anyone. I prefer to keep my worklife private, with not much familiar faces roaming around me :p. Anyway, this person resigned because he was pirated to another similar company, with a humongous signing bonus and salary hike. Just today, got a call from him whether I'd like to join again, for another big leap (hike). Tempthing but too crazy! I dont think I can just hop around like a butterfly. I havent even earned any accomplishment yet, too early.
I should have gone to watch a Chinese movie here in j8 (mall beside the house) to enjoy my last late-night movie within walkable distance. Too bad can't, with the colds.
The same day as my moving day, a colleague will be having a housewarming party. I was somehow obliged to go to mingle. I hate PR stuff. I have so much unpacking to do with my ever-growing baggages, or I would have rather wanted to sleep.
I still have few things left to pack. This is the last post. Next would be done from Eunos. I dont know if my internet connection would be swapped right away as promised.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
The Eyes of Elvin
Savoring my last few nights in Bishan... I will miss the calm silence and the community. So I guess i'll be blogging. (I only blog when there is something bugging me anyway :p).
No matter what the interior is, the new one just looks like a Home Along Da Riles in a strange community :p. Never thought even a house can freak me out hihi. Something doesnt feel right. Before I was talking about peace of mind figuratively, now it is literally. I know it's not good.. that's why my outreach trip is insightful.
Today's outreach:
I never said I like kids very much. I only entertain kids who are blood-related or who are naturally endearing. But if i do love them, I shower them with everything that I can give. I went to this org from office to teach small kids (from broken family) to read, which had my sisters giggling, they knew me quite well.
The first kid was a girl who is quite lively. I tried reaching out but to no avail, she keeps clinging to their admin and ignoring my presence. Thought it was quite good she allowed me to finish reading the book and even followed me reading phrase by phrase, of which she followed only because she dragged the admin to stay with us. I just kept my cool and smile back. She was asked 3 times what my name is and kept forgetting. Oh well, there is no connection - well it happens quite often anyway. Kung ayaw mo, di wag.
Surprisingly, the org assigned me an extra kid. (not sure whether there was any absentee). This time is a younger boy who seems very shy and uneasy. I tried talking to him but he started covering his eyes. Omg he's about to cry. I slipped a pen and paper to him and tried to calm him down and diverted his attention. I staggered for words..'Hey what is your favorite thing...hmm maybe you can draw me a car...err Ben10?'. Btw the in thing now seems to be Ben10 and Dora haha no idea what they looked like. Then I saw some glow on his face and he smiled. He said, 'I'll draw for you'. Whew good thing my logic is correct, boys like cars and train toys. Then the rest is history. It was fun that he will draw, and I will spell out the word for him to write. Everytime he finishes drawing a piece of paper, he'll ask me to accompany him to the other room to show his work to his mother. When it was bye bye time, he asked me how to spell my name and he remembered and kept calling me by name. He then took out a piece of paper and wrote down his name, 'Elvin'. He said, 'This is my number, 42', and signalled for me to keep it like he wanted me to remember him. I supposed 42 is some class number. We parted then he came back again, to say bye. It's like 3 rounds he will go and come back again to say bye. So sweet. What I saw was a pair of eyes, uneasy and tint of fear... innocent. I am not emotionless, I felt moved.
And yeah, there are people who might not even have a house to go home to. :( Life is indeed unfair. I am pleased with what I gained back. I dont need the whole world to appreciate me, even if there is just one single kid who I made an impact on, I am glad. I go for Quality over Quantity.
People react differently over time, with the experiences accumulated. You dont add a number to your age for nothing.
Home is where the heart is. It's up to you to find what your heart beats for.
No matter what the interior is, the new one just looks like a Home Along Da Riles in a strange community :p. Never thought even a house can freak me out hihi. Something doesnt feel right. Before I was talking about peace of mind figuratively, now it is literally. I know it's not good.. that's why my outreach trip is insightful.
Today's outreach:
I never said I like kids very much. I only entertain kids who are blood-related or who are naturally endearing. But if i do love them, I shower them with everything that I can give. I went to this org from office to teach small kids (from broken family) to read, which had my sisters giggling, they knew me quite well.
The first kid was a girl who is quite lively. I tried reaching out but to no avail, she keeps clinging to their admin and ignoring my presence. Thought it was quite good she allowed me to finish reading the book and even followed me reading phrase by phrase, of which she followed only because she dragged the admin to stay with us. I just kept my cool and smile back. She was asked 3 times what my name is and kept forgetting. Oh well, there is no connection - well it happens quite often anyway. Kung ayaw mo, di wag.
Surprisingly, the org assigned me an extra kid. (not sure whether there was any absentee). This time is a younger boy who seems very shy and uneasy. I tried talking to him but he started covering his eyes. Omg he's about to cry. I slipped a pen and paper to him and tried to calm him down and diverted his attention. I staggered for words..'Hey what is your favorite thing...hmm maybe you can draw me a car...err Ben10?'. Btw the in thing now seems to be Ben10 and Dora haha no idea what they looked like. Then I saw some glow on his face and he smiled. He said, 'I'll draw for you'. Whew good thing my logic is correct, boys like cars and train toys. Then the rest is history. It was fun that he will draw, and I will spell out the word for him to write. Everytime he finishes drawing a piece of paper, he'll ask me to accompany him to the other room to show his work to his mother. When it was bye bye time, he asked me how to spell my name and he remembered and kept calling me by name. He then took out a piece of paper and wrote down his name, 'Elvin'. He said, 'This is my number, 42', and signalled for me to keep it like he wanted me to remember him. I supposed 42 is some class number. We parted then he came back again, to say bye. It's like 3 rounds he will go and come back again to say bye. So sweet. What I saw was a pair of eyes, uneasy and tint of fear... innocent. I am not emotionless, I felt moved.
And yeah, there are people who might not even have a house to go home to. :( Life is indeed unfair. I am pleased with what I gained back. I dont need the whole world to appreciate me, even if there is just one single kid who I made an impact on, I am glad. I go for Quality over Quantity.
People react differently over time, with the experiences accumulated. You dont add a number to your age for nothing.
Home is where the heart is. It's up to you to find what your heart beats for.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Caught
Few weeks ago, first time in my life I booked a flight only like 3 days ahead. Someone asked me 'ganon ka ba ka-depress?'. I dont know, but that point in time, I need some fresh air. And that fresh air was quite expensive.
I never knew what I like, until I realize what I really dont like. Freak.
And just when I have moved on and accepted whatever this is, I made a new booboo again which I never imagined I would have done. Today good thing only one person remembered to ask me, so I have to lie only once. I suddenly remembered the outcome of this booboo.. someone emailed me 'I am very sorry to hear about your situation'. Omg!
Ok so the rain has stopped, hopefully.
I signed up for an outreach tomorrow to teach the orphan children, (very unlikely huh), some company projects. Yes, sometimes these unfortunate people remind us how fortunate we are. So cruel of me to use this as a form of consolation.
I passed by Junction8 today to do my last round of starhunting. I saw my endeared crush from Fated to Love You and My Queen - Ethan. Hunkie hunk. First time my camera cooperated well.
I thought I was ok, coz it seems like it. I'm proud to say I didnt cry on all these booboos. Not until tonight..few tears suddenly fell, something just can easily catch me, I wish I can...
I dont believe what I say anymore. I said I would stop blogging specific things, but here I go again. I said yes but I actualy mean no. I said it's ok but it's not. I think I should just stop saying...
Promise, this is the last outcry. Tomorrow is a new day!
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Lousy
Jinx?
Series of unfortunate events. I dont know when has life become so uncontrollable for me. For a freak like me, I used to be always in control of what I want to do and I do things based on what my heart and my brain tell me. This year it's like everything that I do is wrong, something along the way will go wrong. I hate the lousy feeling. so Loser.
Thank God it's all outside work and other essential parts of life. It's better to err on other things that those that really matter. As they say, things happen for a reason. Though I still dont know what the reason is. Also as they say, trials build personality. But I am quite tired of building mine this way.
I really want to throw all these negativities away. In life there is no way to move but forward, i know. But still, let me empty them out into the ocean before I embrace another one.
Series of unfortunate events. I dont know when has life become so uncontrollable for me. For a freak like me, I used to be always in control of what I want to do and I do things based on what my heart and my brain tell me. This year it's like everything that I do is wrong, something along the way will go wrong. I hate the lousy feeling. so Loser.
Thank God it's all outside work and other essential parts of life. It's better to err on other things that those that really matter. As they say, things happen for a reason. Though I still dont know what the reason is. Also as they say, trials build personality. But I am quite tired of building mine this way.
I really want to throw all these negativities away. In life there is no way to move but forward, i know. But still, let me empty them out into the ocean before I embrace another one.
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